It's okay to need help!
Hey everyone,
I hope you've been having a good week. This is my last week of school before the Easter break and I cannot deny my excitement to go home! Also, Easter is such a special celelbration and I'm pretty ecstatic about that as well.
Some weeks ago, a friend and I were having a conversation that struck a schord with me. We don't accept help when it's offered because we don't want people to think that we're not capable or we don't want to accept vulnerability, we don't want to miss the opportunity or position. The particular situation that triggered this conversation was quite simple. I wanted to ask my houseparents for help with something, and when I entered the duty room, one of them was asleep and so I was whispering. The houseparent I was speaking to asked if everything was okay because I seemed really quiet. I dind't realise that she could be talking about my voice level and thought she felt I had generally been speaking less lately. That got me wondering, what if she thinks I'm too quiet and can't like handle things in a leadership role? (this was a concern, because at the time we were applying for leadership roles) Later, I realised that she was talking about my voice level and I told her it was just cause the other houseparent was sleeping, but I think it raised real questions about how we perceive help sometimes. I feel really vulnerbale talking about this, just imagining how it may be received and what opportunities I may be missing. But I think it's so impotant that we recognise these tendencies in ourselves. Tendencies to hide and disguise our pain because we don't want the pity, or maybe 'deprivation' that support might bring. If we're in leadership, we don't want our role to be taken. If we're in a relationship, we don't want to be pitied. I think a lot of us have serious issues with showing vulnerability and this hinders us from accepting help when it's available. I can definitely relate to that.
So if this is you, and there are people offering their support that you've been ignoring, opening up might help. It also may not... but you'll never know if you don't try. Strong relationships cannot be formed without vulnerability and real healing and peace cannot come without addressing the issue, even if you're able to convince everyone else that nothing is wrong. Also, you might not lose the thing you are so scared vulnerability will cost you. We are all humans. We all go through stuff. While companies and organizaitions might understandably want strong people to fill certain roles, we all need to understand that even strong people struggle. And they should not be made to feel less than for that.
Additionally, I find that it can be so easy to force someone to retreat into their shell. It might be a simple 'I'm surprised you are struggling'... unconscious but dangerous things that can drive struggling people into a place of feeling unable to share their fears and concerns. Esepecially when those people feel like they have to be strong. So just be careful. You don't know the damage your words could cause... or potentially, the healing you could assist.
God bless.
Dera
I hope you've been having a good week. This is my last week of school before the Easter break and I cannot deny my excitement to go home! Also, Easter is such a special celelbration and I'm pretty ecstatic about that as well.
Some weeks ago, a friend and I were having a conversation that struck a schord with me. We don't accept help when it's offered because we don't want people to think that we're not capable or we don't want to accept vulnerability, we don't want to miss the opportunity or position. The particular situation that triggered this conversation was quite simple. I wanted to ask my houseparents for help with something, and when I entered the duty room, one of them was asleep and so I was whispering. The houseparent I was speaking to asked if everything was okay because I seemed really quiet. I dind't realise that she could be talking about my voice level and thought she felt I had generally been speaking less lately. That got me wondering, what if she thinks I'm too quiet and can't like handle things in a leadership role? (this was a concern, because at the time we were applying for leadership roles) Later, I realised that she was talking about my voice level and I told her it was just cause the other houseparent was sleeping, but I think it raised real questions about how we perceive help sometimes. I feel really vulnerbale talking about this, just imagining how it may be received and what opportunities I may be missing. But I think it's so impotant that we recognise these tendencies in ourselves. Tendencies to hide and disguise our pain because we don't want the pity, or maybe 'deprivation' that support might bring. If we're in leadership, we don't want our role to be taken. If we're in a relationship, we don't want to be pitied. I think a lot of us have serious issues with showing vulnerability and this hinders us from accepting help when it's available. I can definitely relate to that.
So if this is you, and there are people offering their support that you've been ignoring, opening up might help. It also may not... but you'll never know if you don't try. Strong relationships cannot be formed without vulnerability and real healing and peace cannot come without addressing the issue, even if you're able to convince everyone else that nothing is wrong. Also, you might not lose the thing you are so scared vulnerability will cost you. We are all humans. We all go through stuff. While companies and organizaitions might understandably want strong people to fill certain roles, we all need to understand that even strong people struggle. And they should not be made to feel less than for that.
Additionally, I find that it can be so easy to force someone to retreat into their shell. It might be a simple 'I'm surprised you are struggling'... unconscious but dangerous things that can drive struggling people into a place of feeling unable to share their fears and concerns. Esepecially when those people feel like they have to be strong. So just be careful. You don't know the damage your words could cause... or potentially, the healing you could assist.
God bless.
Dera
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