Control... or lack of it
Hello world!
This week was a whirlwind. I woke up everyday and said 'it's almost Friday'. Good news is that Friday came eventually:)I want to talk a little about control and how it psychologically affects us. I might be very wrong and what I'm about to talk about might not psychological at all... if you happen to know psychology and you know this isn't psychology, please only expose me in private;)
So I had a meeting I was really worried about for a while during this last week. I was anticipating every possible problem and that was really stressing me out. And then on the day of the meeting, I realised that I had done all I could do. I was worrying about things that I couldn't control because I had told myself that somehow, I had to control them. And I just couldn't. We're human.... we cannot control everything. So many of us wear ourselves out trying to be things and do things that we weren't made to be or do. We get down on ourselves when people act out of line, or the weather does not stick to the plans we made. We can't control other people (or the weather), so why try? We waste time and effort that we could spend on doing things we could actually do, on trying to control things that are beyond our reach. The worst thing is that it never pays off.
In that same vein, sometimes the expectations we have of people are unrealistic. Now this isn't a call to lower your standards and let just anybody into the deep places in your heart. NO. It's a call to understand that people are imperfect. It's like when I make a plan for the week. I look at my timetable and my free periods and I schedule work and meetings accordingly. Now in the past, I would get really upset if anything happened during the week to mess with my timetable. But with time, I learnt to plan and stick to the plan, but be flexible enough to adjust the timetable if a random meeting or situation came up. It's the same with people. Plan for the best, but be willing to be flexible if they mess up. Once again, I don't mean saccept everything. My mum always told me that those who stand for anything stand for nothing. Have non-negotiables; values and boundaries that you are not willing to compromise in your relationships with people. But beyond those, recognise that people fail. And maybe, instead of being so quick to cut people off, try to have conversations where you can honestly articulate what hurt you or disappoint you. People can't read minds.... most of the time, we need to be told what we did wrong. I hope that somehow I've been able to encourage y'all not to hate the imperfections in people without telling you to ignore every red flag. Not every relationship is meant for you. But the relationships that are made for you may not come in the form you expected.
God bless
Dera
This week was a whirlwind. I woke up everyday and said 'it's almost Friday'. Good news is that Friday came eventually:)I want to talk a little about control and how it psychologically affects us. I might be very wrong and what I'm about to talk about might not psychological at all... if you happen to know psychology and you know this isn't psychology, please only expose me in private;)
So I had a meeting I was really worried about for a while during this last week. I was anticipating every possible problem and that was really stressing me out. And then on the day of the meeting, I realised that I had done all I could do. I was worrying about things that I couldn't control because I had told myself that somehow, I had to control them. And I just couldn't. We're human.... we cannot control everything. So many of us wear ourselves out trying to be things and do things that we weren't made to be or do. We get down on ourselves when people act out of line, or the weather does not stick to the plans we made. We can't control other people (or the weather), so why try? We waste time and effort that we could spend on doing things we could actually do, on trying to control things that are beyond our reach. The worst thing is that it never pays off.
In that same vein, sometimes the expectations we have of people are unrealistic. Now this isn't a call to lower your standards and let just anybody into the deep places in your heart. NO. It's a call to understand that people are imperfect. It's like when I make a plan for the week. I look at my timetable and my free periods and I schedule work and meetings accordingly. Now in the past, I would get really upset if anything happened during the week to mess with my timetable. But with time, I learnt to plan and stick to the plan, but be flexible enough to adjust the timetable if a random meeting or situation came up. It's the same with people. Plan for the best, but be willing to be flexible if they mess up. Once again, I don't mean saccept everything. My mum always told me that those who stand for anything stand for nothing. Have non-negotiables; values and boundaries that you are not willing to compromise in your relationships with people. But beyond those, recognise that people fail. And maybe, instead of being so quick to cut people off, try to have conversations where you can honestly articulate what hurt you or disappoint you. People can't read minds.... most of the time, we need to be told what we did wrong. I hope that somehow I've been able to encourage y'all not to hate the imperfections in people without telling you to ignore every red flag. Not every relationship is meant for you. But the relationships that are made for you may not come in the form you expected.
God bless
Dera
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