What do we talk about?
Hello,
I have a couple of things to talk about today and I even knew what they'd be before I started writing... always a good sign.
I was having a chat with my friend (like I always seem to be doing these days) about people in general and wanting to fit in. I was explaining how for the first time ever I did not feel the need to fit in with a certain group of people because I didn't want my identity to be tied to theirs. I know that sounds very deep, but it's really how I felt. It wasn't just a group of people particularly. I didn't want my identity to be tied to any person... I want to be known as Dera and I want my relationships to be just that, MY relationships. I won't and will never be best friends with everyone, but I do want my friendships to be based on a knowledege of me and not just my relationships with other people, even if that's where they start. Anyway... we started talking about teenagers and the general culture that we have around us. I was basically complaining about how sexualised and redundant our conversations have become. Not all of them; I still have pretty good conversations. But it's just so much harder. The most ubiquitous conversations tend to be very shallow. Don't get me wrong, all the conversations do not have to be about human rights abuse or world wars and stuff like that, but I just get so exhausted with the monotonous conversations about sex.
Stemming from that, we started to talk about the different values we all have. I am normally one of those people that doesn't do things and most of these things tend to be the qualifiers for 'experience' or 'coolness' amongst my mates. Sometimes, when I'm tempted to fit in and belong to a crowd, I remind myself of things I don't want to do, and that tends to quelch the temptation. It's not that I think I'm better than the people who do things I don't do because ultimately, I can't control them and shouldn't try to.What does upset me is when people judge me for not doing certain things. I generally cannot control what other people do or think of me, but when people act like they know me based on what I decide not to do and try to classify me based on that, I just see red. It's happened so many times, and I think with time, the rage has faded into a reluctance to engage. I think it's important that each person navigates their values personally, but if we are all so sure about our values, why do feel so threatened by people that have different ones? Not even just about values, but beliefs too. I talk about this a whole lot on this blog. If we are so sure of what we believe, why are we threatened by other people's beliefs? Why should people that have made their own decisions on things they will or won't do have to suffer because we are still on the fence? I am probably a bit more passionate because I've been on the receving end of a lot of this classification a lot of times and am just completely over it.
It can be really hard to stand up for what you believe in when your friends or peers are doing the opposite thing. But being principled makes you popular with the right people . I hope this hits you the same way it hit me when my sister told me. It can be hard to stick it out and continue to be authentically you when everything around you tells you that that's boring or naive. But being picky about what you let into your heart is not naive. It's smart.
Another thing that randomly popped into my head today was 'adulting'. When I got first bank card, I was always so nervous about using it. Having a card made me feel so grown up and I didn't want to taint that 'maturity' with any mistakes when I finally got to the cashier because being mature meant that you didn't make any mistakes. But that's untrue. I'm learning that adults don't live without mistakes. If they did make a mistake with their card and put in the wrong PIN at the cashier, they would do it again and put in the right one. I think it's less about avoiding mistakes and more about handling them in the right way. Seeming perfect might make me feel more mature, but maybe the essence of maturity is grace and not perfection.
I hope my ranting tonight has been relatable. Have a good weekend and enjoyable week ahead.
God bless.
Dera
I have a couple of things to talk about today and I even knew what they'd be before I started writing... always a good sign.
I was having a chat with my friend (like I always seem to be doing these days) about people in general and wanting to fit in. I was explaining how for the first time ever I did not feel the need to fit in with a certain group of people because I didn't want my identity to be tied to theirs. I know that sounds very deep, but it's really how I felt. It wasn't just a group of people particularly. I didn't want my identity to be tied to any person... I want to be known as Dera and I want my relationships to be just that, MY relationships. I won't and will never be best friends with everyone, but I do want my friendships to be based on a knowledege of me and not just my relationships with other people, even if that's where they start. Anyway... we started talking about teenagers and the general culture that we have around us. I was basically complaining about how sexualised and redundant our conversations have become. Not all of them; I still have pretty good conversations. But it's just so much harder. The most ubiquitous conversations tend to be very shallow. Don't get me wrong, all the conversations do not have to be about human rights abuse or world wars and stuff like that, but I just get so exhausted with the monotonous conversations about sex.
Stemming from that, we started to talk about the different values we all have. I am normally one of those people that doesn't do things and most of these things tend to be the qualifiers for 'experience' or 'coolness' amongst my mates. Sometimes, when I'm tempted to fit in and belong to a crowd, I remind myself of things I don't want to do, and that tends to quelch the temptation. It's not that I think I'm better than the people who do things I don't do because ultimately, I can't control them and shouldn't try to.What does upset me is when people judge me for not doing certain things. I generally cannot control what other people do or think of me, but when people act like they know me based on what I decide not to do and try to classify me based on that, I just see red. It's happened so many times, and I think with time, the rage has faded into a reluctance to engage. I think it's important that each person navigates their values personally, but if we are all so sure about our values, why do feel so threatened by people that have different ones? Not even just about values, but beliefs too. I talk about this a whole lot on this blog. If we are so sure of what we believe, why are we threatened by other people's beliefs? Why should people that have made their own decisions on things they will or won't do have to suffer because we are still on the fence? I am probably a bit more passionate because I've been on the receving end of a lot of this classification a lot of times and am just completely over it.
It can be really hard to stand up for what you believe in when your friends or peers are doing the opposite thing. But being principled makes you popular with the right people . I hope this hits you the same way it hit me when my sister told me. It can be hard to stick it out and continue to be authentically you when everything around you tells you that that's boring or naive. But being picky about what you let into your heart is not naive. It's smart.
Another thing that randomly popped into my head today was 'adulting'. When I got first bank card, I was always so nervous about using it. Having a card made me feel so grown up and I didn't want to taint that 'maturity' with any mistakes when I finally got to the cashier because being mature meant that you didn't make any mistakes. But that's untrue. I'm learning that adults don't live without mistakes. If they did make a mistake with their card and put in the wrong PIN at the cashier, they would do it again and put in the right one. I think it's less about avoiding mistakes and more about handling them in the right way. Seeming perfect might make me feel more mature, but maybe the essence of maturity is grace and not perfection.
I hope my ranting tonight has been relatable. Have a good weekend and enjoyable week ahead.
God bless.
Dera
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