Friendships and entitlement


Hello everyone,

Today I had my monthly philosophical conversation on my way back from the town centre. Me and a friend were talking about friendships and I am honestly convinced at this point in my life that this topic is something that continues to grow and evolve as we grow. Anyway, what really stood out to me about our conversation was entitlement. The closer we get to someone, the more entitled we feel to know what’s going on in their lives. And I totally get it. Whether that’s because the whole friendship began because we were there for those people in tough moments or if we’ve just gone through a lot and shared a lot with our friends. Whatever the circumstances, at some point, we begin to get offended when we are not told certain things. And once again, I get it. If you’re really close to that person, why don’t they let you in? Why do they tell other people and not you when you’ve really been there for them? These are questions that you could ask your friends. But ultimately, it boils down to understanding that people think of a lot of things when deciding who to tell certain things and even what to tell those people that they trust. Part of it has something to do with the way you’ve presented yourself and your opinion on certain topics, but a lot of it doesn’t have anything to do with you. And although it can be very difficult (and I am very guilty of this), we have to get out of our own heads and be thankful for the intimacy we have with our friends without taking it for granted and feeling entitled.

To be honest, sometimes we share things with people that we think will be more sympathetic. This isn’t inherently bad and having people with shared experiences is a blessing. But sometimes, we are actually in the wrong and we only want to share our experiences with people that will validate us. True friendship isn’t always pretty and true friends will not always agree with you or have the same experiences with you. But they should hold you accountable, support you and respect you. While I think it’s true that in life, we have seasonal, occasional and situational friends, our true friendships need to be unconditional and consistent.

God bless.

Dera

Comments

  1. Dare DanielJanuary 22, 2022 at 6:28 AM

    Yeah I do think that sometimes maybe you aren’t the person they need right then, and that’s okay we all have different personalities and handle things differently but as a friend we have the responsibility of being there for them and seeing them through. If reassurance that they are strong enough to get through, is all you have to offer then that’s what we are tasked with as someone who genuinely cares for a person, we don’t necessarily need to know all the details of a person’s life to be there for them. Liked this one too❤️

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Was MJ right?

Hello, Recently, I feel like my family has been going through a lot of hard stuff. Some things are inconveniences and some other things are life changing, but I think the real challenge is the way each challenge seems to come simultaneously. That has be really hard. I know that we are definitely not alone in this and that there are so many of us out here who legitimately feel like we just can't catch a break; one thing after another attacks which leads to this overriding feeling of fear, anxiety and hopelessness. I was listening to a song today and was reminded that even though gratitude does not change our situation, it changes us. When we are not getting those things that we really want at the moment or we face really difficult situations, it's very easy to enter that place of feeling like you have nothing to be grateful for, or feeling like you need to be prepared for the worst in any situation, or that you cannot rest until you map out everything that could possibly go
Read more

Nigeria, America and the UK

Random, random, random.... I was watching a movie the other day and it's a baseball movie, so the coach goes up to the team and proceeds to give them a pep talk. "Y'all have worked so hard...", "get out there and do your best..." - you guys know the drill. And then the team proceeds to play and win or lose, they're still a team. It got me thinking about my experience growing up and playing soccer in Nigeria and then playing it again in the UK (if you keep in mind that in both of these other places, they call it football and that totally makes sense). In the UK, it was kind of similar to America. Before the game, coach would tell us which positions everyone would be playing with his little whiteboard and marker and then we'd get a little pep talk with some tips and would be out on the pitch for the game. This team was a bit different though. About a month into my playing with the club, I started noticing some tension between some of the girls on
Read more

Are you a perfectionist?

To all the perfectionists out there, I woke up on Monday less tired than normal. I go on walks with my mum every now and then and we have to wake up super early so that my mum's ready for work on time. We started walking and all of sudden I started feeling tired. My mum walks pretty fast (even though she'd disagree) and at first I thought it was just that. But the tiredness was deeper than that. I'm not being dramatic. I felt drained from the inside out. I felt tired of trying to catch up to my mum and tired of trying to be better behaviour-wise, cooking-wise and failing. And so my body responded in the only way it knew how; I cried. Before Monday, I would never have called myself a perfectionist. But after a conversation with my mum and some careful, but painful reflection, I realised I was beating myself down for my mistakes and my slip-ups which are completely natural. I also realised that it didn't start on Monday. What I'm trying to say is I've come t
Read more