A heavy week


Hello,

It's been a pretty heavy week in a lot of ways. The war raging in Ukraine has been on my heart quite a bit and I can't help but worry about the bitterness and hatred that is being developed because of and as a side effect of the war. I fear that the war will pass and the hatred will not and so that takes up quite a bit of space in my prayers these days.

Another thing is that I am recognising (again and again) is how much of my actions and inactions are dictated by how I think people will think. And when I say / write it out like this, it sounds so stupid that I would let my assumptions of how people would react dictate the way I live my life, but it does. I think I am a quiet person in some ways. But sometimes, my quietness is influenced more by how I think people would react if I said what I truly thought and believed.

Don't get me wrong; self-control is necessary. We need to think things through before we act and speak. But I feel I think it through a bit too much. I scare myself away from acting on the convictions I've been given. I say I scare myself because I cannot possibly 'know' what people will do or think. I just always think the worst could happen. Especially when it comes to my faith in God. Not everyone understands it and not everyone will respect it. But I think I have gotten so used to second guessing everything that there is a mental block in my mind that prevents me from acting when the spirit leads me. And I've decided that I'm not okay with that. So I'm working on unlearning the fears I have spent so much of my life accumulating. It's not easy and I don't expect it to be. But life is short. And sooner or later, each of us will have to decide where our priorities lie and what actually matters to us. A lot of us have already made that decision unconsciously by just following everyone else. But the quote that says that those who stand for everything, stand for nothing really rings true.

God bless.

Dera

Comments

  1. Neto KaluMarch 6, 2022 at 12:06 AM

    I’m loving the self realization and growth 🧡 I absolutely agree that although we need to think things through we should be free to speak and do (as far as we’re not doing anything wrong) love it 🥰

    ReplyDelete

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