Fake it till you make it


Hello,

These days, we're always being told in one way or another to fake it till we make it. We're told that if we do not have the confidence, then we should pretend we do. If you don't have the friends, pretend you do. If you don't have the money, pretend you do. Recently, I watched Inventing Anna and she was definitely good at this - at pretending to have what she didn't in order to get what she wanted.

In a sense, I understand. Sometimes, our insecurities and fears would have us avoiding conversations and opportunities that we need. We can't always trust our feelings. And sometimes, we have to step out of our comfort zones and do things that we might be so terrified of. But I think situations like Inventing Anna show that pretending can only get you so far. If we allow our pretense to become the entire journey, then we can never really enjoy those relationships or opportunities because they are built on lies. If you are scared of going for a particular position or trying something, it is worthwhile to have a conversation with yourself or someone trusted about where those fears and insecurites come from and why it would be beneficial to go ahead despite them. And so when you choose to do that thing, it's not because you're pretending not to have fears, but because you have decided that the outcome is worth working through those fears for. That's what faith is all about. And I feel like this might be a better mantra for us to tell each other and our children as a society - less 'fake it till you make' and more 'do it if it's worth it'. You may not be confident the first time, but with practice, the things that once scared you might be just a bit more manageable. I won't go so far as to say that you will begin to love them (as an introvert, meeting new people always remains a bit daunting) but with time, you will be a bit more willing to step out of that coveted comfort zone.

It's important that we each individually have these conversations with ourselves where we change our mindsets because a huge part of the problem is that as a society we have decided that we only want perfection in each other even though we are all aware of just how imperfect we are. We expect people never to second guess themselves and to have such a high sense of self that is never doubted. I'm not saying that we should praise and idolise fear and insecurity, but we have stopped acknowledging that every human falls prey to them and we have started punishing people for these things. We need to be a society that is willing to walk with people through their insecurities; that are willing to be safe spaces for people so that they feel encouraged to do things that might scare them because they know mistakes will be met with grace and not judgement. Certain roles have bigger stakes. I get that. But I can't help but wonder how confident we might all be, how open and how willing we might be if we all just felt a little less alone.

God bless.

Dera

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