Dera's Diary

Hello... My motivation for loving people cannot be based on the assumption or even the hope, that they will love me back. I gleaned a lot this last week, but this is one of the things that really stuck with me. Something happened between me and some friends and I just felt really unseen and unappreciated - something I think we can all relate to in some sense. And all of a sudden, I wondered whether all the future plans I had made with them and for them and all the things I hoped for with us were really worth it if they weren’t considering me in the same way. And I was really leaning towards no. But I spoke to my mum and she reminded me of an adage that I don’t think we say nearly enough these days - ‘people may forget the things they say to you, but they won’t forget how they made you feel’. Every relationship won’t last and I don’t want to stretch out relationships that just aren’t meant for me. But regardless of how the other person chooses to behave, my kindness and my generosi...

I remember it like it was yesterday, that Sunday two years ago The church service we had and the way we danced like it was just any other last Sunday of the term I remember going back to the house and loosening my hair in a friends room And I remember the sudden phone call from my mum that sent me packing my suitcases because the borders were closing and we had little time When I think back to how I spent those last few moments at school, I’m surprised I didn’t take more care Why didn’t I intentionally go say goodbye? Even when we were just going home for the term, we would say proper goodbyes We would hug and wish each other good holidays But not this time The only reason I can think of was that I honestly thought I would be back And maybe I didn’t really want to consider any other alternative As I hurried to pack my bags and iron my shirt, I didn’t think that it would be the last time that I would iron in Aramide and Seyi’s room and be surrounded by their effortless bante...

Hey everyone, I hope you've been having a good Easter weekend. As I grow older, the meaning of Easter only continues to develop in my eyes. This year, I'm filled with such a great peace as I am reminded that although Friday saw the death of Jesus, Sunday was only a few days away. And although in the midst of our struggles it can be hard to believe that there is something goood coming, that is exactly what Easter teaches us and reminds us. This weekend, I decided to put myself out of my comfort zone and begin making some new friendships. With all of my past drama and experiences within friendships, I tend to keep to myself and wait to be approached (which is all shades of problematic on its own). But I've been learning recently, that it is really easy to allow what once protected us to become what holds us back. My observational spirit and caution may have protected me from avoidable hurt at one point in my life, but I think at some point, it also became a shield for me,...

Hello, I love reading for a variety of reasons. One of the major ones throughout my life has been the ability of a character in a book to perfectly echo my own heart and feelings and thoughts. A lot of the time, this connections is born from the way characters learn lessons that I am still struggling to accept or learn. And I think we've all been there - we experience things that are so painful, so traumatic that are instinct is to pretend they never happened and never deal with them, or to sink into that sadness and despair. We never consider the fact that there is something worth learning, worth remembering those dark periods for. And I completely understand. It can be hard to remember. But I think it might just be necessary. Without remembering, we would never be able to see our progress. We would never be able to learn. We would never be able to grow or recognize that we've grown because we would remember where we started from. In this particular book that I was reading...

Hey everyone, My messages today are very simple. First off, get some much needed rest this weekend. There's a lot of tough stuff going on in the world. Add to that the everday struggles of relationships, expectations and deadlines and it's really difficult to keep showing up and pasting a smile on your face. I get that. I'm sorry if noone has seen that effort or all the work it has taking for you to keep being yourself despite all the things you're carrying. I implore you today, take a break. Take stock of the things weighing you down and let go of those things you can't control. We can only do so much... our energy is best spent attending to things that we can actually change. Second, I think we need to make a better habit of complimenting each other. I have observed that sometimes when we see something that someone else does very well, we hardly ever stay in that place of admiration long before we move on to a place of envy, jealousy and discontentment. I thin...