Take a hint and remain yourself


Hello...

My motivation for loving people cannot be based on the assumption or even the hope, that they will love me back.

I gleaned a lot this last week, but this is one of the things that really stuck with me. Something happened between me and some friends and I just felt really unseen and unappreciated - something I think we can all relate to in some sense. And all of a sudden, I wondered whether all the future plans I had made with them and for them and all the things I hoped for with us were really worth it if they weren’t considering me in the same way. And I was really leaning towards no. But I spoke to my mum and she reminded me of an adage that I don’t think we say nearly enough these days - ‘people may forget the things they say to you, but they won’t forget how they made you feel’. Every relationship won’t last and I don’t want to stretch out relationships that just aren’t meant for me. But regardless of how the other person chooses to behave, my kindness and my generosity cannot be based on them.

When I was thinking about this a bit more, I was thinking about all those situations where you actually do need to take cues from people and respond and act and change accordingly. But I think, even then, there are ways to guard your heart and distance yourself without just slamming the door in people’s faces. Think about it as walking away and closing the door gently. I can’t speak for every situation and relationship, but if it’s anything like mine where the biggest stake is your hurt feelings, then I think it’s worth reminding yourself that loving people isn’t something you do for them, it’s something you do for you. And for me, it’s something I’m learning to do because of God.

In the Bible, Jesus talks about how it’s easy to only love those who love you. The real test of spirit, is loving those who aren’t as kind to you. Not because you’re dumb or can’t take a hint, but because you recognise that your life cannot be a constant reaction to someone's actions. You need to choose who you’re going to be and follow through on that regardless of who other people are. Taking a hint can be difficult, but I think it's even harder sometimes to take a hint and remain yourself.

God bless.

Dera

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