Are you the type of person the friends you want would want to be friends with?

I know the title is a long one, but hear me out...

I was talking to my sister the other day about the future. I know everyone thinks about the future and stuff, but before I became 18, it was never really an intentional thought. But once this birthay came, basically overnight, I started thinking about the type of relationships I wanted to have in the future and careers and money and all that stuff that we can get away with being blissfully unaware of when we are in our early teen years, if you're fortunate.

Anyway, I was thinking about the type of friends I wanted to have and the type of marriage I'd like to have, and my sister asked if I was working to become the type of person that would attract these friends and that type of guy. And I definitely had not been thinking about that as deeply as I should've been. Maybe you're like me. I feel like when we're trying to plan our futures and our standards in general, we forget the astronomic role we play in being the type of person that would attract the type of friends we want and the type of relationships and I guess even positions and opportunities we want. If those people were around you, would they want to be your friend? If that opportunity presented itself, would you be qualified? Don't get me wrong, you could be an absolute saint and the people you want to be friends with would not reciprocate. And you could be as qualified as possible and you would still be passed over for one reason or another. Not that either of these scenarios are fair... but they do happen quite a bit. My point is, I'm realising that we have a part to play in preparing ourselves for the relationships and opportunities that we want and pray for.

Even if things don't pan out; even if they don't go the way you hoped for and prayed for, wouldn't you rather have known that you tried? That you did what you could to be prepared? Obviously, when you actually get into these relationships and positions, there's a whole other layer of commitment and diligence that needs to be uncovered if any progress is to be seen, but prep makes all the difference.

As I've grown older and begun to rewatch and watch new romance movies and shows, I'm struck by how unwise it seems now to try entering a relationship with someone who is so at comfort with all of their issues. I'm still trying to reconcile how I feel about this now fully... and I know I have a long way to go. But I think it is a great sign of respect to do what it takes to work on yourself and your personal issues before entering a relationship. We are obviously not perfect people and I don't think there's a threshold of perfect that you must reach to be qualified for a friendship or relationship or anything like that. But being able to look at yourself as an individual and recognise the parts of yourself where you need to grow is admirable. Being williing to step away from a relationship to do that can be admirable too. As people, only we can determine for ourselves what are thresholds are; that is, the kind or amount of baggage that we can handle from people. And when people are going through tough times, it can make such a monumental difference to have someone who cares by their side. But I think the responsibility for that change and for that reflection always lies with the individual. Although relationships can be great motivators, I don't think that our relationships with people in and of themselves are enough to drive us to change aspects of ourselves that need to change. But out relationships definitely suffer when we do not allow ourselves to grow and heal and yes, change.

So to conclude a very long Ted talk, you owe it to your future self and the future people that will work with you, befriend you, love you and maybe most influentially, you owe it to yourself to start working on the person you want to be, today.

God bless.

Dera