Looks are deceiving


Hi everyone,

I hope y’all are doing well. Welcome to July!

I can’t believe half of the year is done already, but at the same time, I kind of can. There are realisations that I came to at the beginning of the year, that I’m still struggling to accept and accommodate. And at the same time, there are goals I set that I have seen myself achieve. I’ve moved into different spaces and seasons in certain aspects. But I’ve also seen myself stay in certain seasons that I was ready to leave because it wasn’t time for a new one yet. I’ve seen myself stay in emotions and thoughts I should’ve left behind because they were easier and more convenient and more comfortable.

As we enter this next half of the year, I find myself taking stock of how many of my prayers and my goals I have worked to achieve. I told myself at the beginning of this year that I wanted to read more. And since February, I have read at least 10 books every month, so I’d say goal accomplished. At the same time though, I came to a better understanding of who I am meant to be as a Christian and I’ve been working on my thought patterns for a long time, and I’m still struggling in both aspects. I won’t say no progress has been made, but it has definitely felt like an uphill climb. I feel like it’s easier to work on those goals that everyone else can see. On one hand, that might be because there are people who will know if you fail. And for me, that might also be because you actually enjoy that goal. But the inner things, the goals you set that only you know and that only you can hold yourself accountable to (unless you find a trusted accountability partner which I would very much recommend) are a lot easier to talk yourself out of and to procrastinate. It’s easier to fall back into bad behaviour and thought patterns when you’re not holding yourself to a certain standard. I think that’s why having an accountability partner that you respect can be so crucial. Because having someone who will know if you’re failing, someone who’s opinion you care about can really help encourage you to change when you are not enough encouragement for yourself. And I don’t necessarily think there is shame in that

As a Christian, I know that my struggle with myself (that is the thought patterns and behaviours I know are wrong and unhealthy) aren’t things I have to deal with in my own strength alone. But what I’ve realised is that, even if help is available, we have to WANT to change. And that decision isn’t one off. It can’t just be a beginning of the year resolution. It is a constant journey of choosing who you want to be, over your comfort and your convenience and your ease in each and every moment. And that’s the hard stuff. It’s easy to make a huge declaration of what you want and who you are, but it’s a lot harder to live that out everyday and in every situation. But that’s the type of person I want to be - an intentional one, who doesn’t make these declarations lightly, but who fights tooth and nail for the future I want for myself even if that means losses, and sacrifices and discomfort in the short term. We have to learn to go against our human nature which wants things now in any way we can get them. I think it’s about learning to hold out for what we know is better, rather than settling for anything that’s available now that looks good.

Looks are deceiving.

God bless you.

Dera

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