It takes me back..


I listened to a song today that reminded me of a tough time in my life. I think it’s beautiful how songs do that; they can transport us back to people, to times, to places, to emotions. For some people I know, this isn’t a good thing. They get transported back to difficult times and so those songs that were once lifelines can no longer be listened to in better times. And I get that. You really can end up reliving those difficulty days. But somehow, I always smile. I may be crying and smiling, but I’m always smiling. I have a certain song that reminds me of studying for qualifying exams when I was 13 during a tough time for my family. I have a song that reminds me so vividly of the hotel I stayed at during my first quarantine in 2020. I have songs that remind me of my first thanksgiving in the US. I have a song that reminds me of being 10 years old and in boarding school for the first time (it’s shower by Becky G by the way). And the song that initiated this post actually reminds me of a time in my life when I was mourning a friendship. The friendship had just fallen apart and I remember listening to ‘what about us’ by pink and wondering what the next couple months would be like without someone that had become such an integral part of my life. That was pretty rough but also not as rough as I thought as it would be. Slight digression here: I truly do think that grieving something you’ve said no to or walked away from is very different when you’re obeying God. It doesn’t necessarily hurt less, but it also kind of does. In my experience anyway. And it’s not like God told me not to be friends with this person again, I was just getting a sense of things in our relationship that weren’t healthy and in the process of talking about these things, it became apparent that we shouldn’t stay so close. But yeah… making the right decision is always worth the grieving period (note to myself for the future).

Back to music… just wanted to comment on that. About the power it has to draw us back. I guess I can’t help but love all the memories, good and bad, because they have made me who I am. And I’m not perfect. I have more goals and more improvement to make than I think my lifetime can encompass, but I have been blessed with a life rich with experiences. And I don’t think it would have been nearly as rich or valuable without the tears I’ve shed. It’s through those tears that I found God intimately and so I’ll always owe them some sort of tight-lipped thank you.

I saw a friend post a list of reasons she liked life on Instagram this week and I almost started crying immediately. I’d been having a tough week at that point and seeing that just felt so intentional and powerful. Like a long list of simple and silly and potent reasons why life is so beautiful. I don’t like the tears, but there’s something beautiful about them. And music. Music that reminds me that God is faithful and that though tough times may last, they won’t last forever. These are some reasons why I love life.
God bless. Dera

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