Choose you


Hello everyone,

I struggled a couple of weeks ago. I was falling deep into old patterns of perfectionism and was getting so down on myself whenever I made a mistake. I think a huge part of that was also worrying about how if people saw me mess up at certain things, then they would stop thinking that I was capable of doing those things and wouldn't trust me with certain opportunities. Most days of the week were like this and in the midst of it all I was trying to intentionally remember and enjoy the great things that were happening. Because I think that's how it happens most of the time; tough stuff may be happening the majorirty of the time and it makes us blind to the good things because they seem insufficient in comparison. But I tried to hang on to them. Did I succeed? Maybe not. But I tried. Two weeks ago, I wrote about missteps not having to be the end and I find that very true especially after that particular week. Was it a tough week? Definitely. But I made it through and I realised that I was stronger this time around than the last time and even though such a realisation did not necessarily make me feel better when I was walking through that time, I can look back and appreciate my growth. I once heard someone say that life is lived forwards but understood backwards. We don't love adversity and we don't always understand why things happen. But sometimes, we can look back days, months and years down the line and be grateful for what we learned and gained in the hardest seasons of our lives. Because ultimately, these seasons are invetable. I heard a song recently that said 'trouble is a matter of time'. And even though it seems like such a grim thing to say... it's true. Trouble will come. But how will you respond? How will you act in those seasons you really don't want to go through? The easy thing is to sit around waiting for it to pass. The harder thing is getting up and trying to figure out how you can be diligent in the season you did not want or expect. My pastor calls these seasons the 'mentor you did not ask for'. Did you ask for it? No. But will you learn from it? Yup.

I think another thing that this experience taught me was that sometimes you have to prioritise yourself. You cannot be your best self, work well or be useful if you're unstable mentally or physically. Sometime we put our bodies and out minds through so much just so that we can be 'available' or 'present'; so that we would please people and maintain this appearance of strength that we think is necessary. I know this is definitely a problem I still have and I'm trying to work through. You can only love and serve others best when you are healthy. So prioritise your health; emotionally, mentally and physically. And though it might feel like you're missing out right now, you must remind yourself that there is more to who you are than who you are to people.

God bless.

Dera

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