Dera's Diary

Hello there, It has been a long and yet incredibly quick week. I spent the majority of this last week buried knee and soul deep in a series of books that one of my friends had introduced me to. It reminded me of my younger self; a girl that could get lost and lost in the stories of those so different from her because she could relate to their humanity even if she couldn't relate to their experiences. It's been a while since I've been able to read just for the sake of doing it and these books were a great reminder of all that reading can be. I also think it was easier to be consumed in the books than to spend a spare moment considering what has been going on in the world this last week. I remember having conversations with friends just last week where people were adamant that Russia would never actually invade. And overnight... overnight, the world changed. Ignorance is a luxury. And it's so easy to be disengaged when it's not you. When it's not your blood. W...

From: An introvert To: Everyone and noone I don't try to come off as intimidating And I'm sorry if I do The truth is my experiences have taught me that it's better to observe before I move It would be easy to spill my heart and tell all the people I like my stories But how can I trust that what I say stays here, if I've heard other 'confidential' details from their lips? I don't think it's fair to wait for them to make all the moves I know it's my job to ask how they're feeling too I know they're allowed to have friends that don't vibe with me I know they're allowed to have experiences that they do not want to share with me I know that some friends stick and some others are there for a season I know that sometimes you need to fight to protect the friendships you've chosen I know that the number of friends I have is not synonymous with my worth I know that the feeling of being uninvited won't always sting as muc...

We can blame society for a lot of things. But at some point, it boils down to us: you and me. I've been having a lot of deep conversations recently that have been making me rethink my opinions and my stance on my relationships and the ongoing battles between men and women all over the world and of all different ages. These are some of the things I'm beginning to understand: - Men and women are different. We're both human and deserve to be treated at such, but our brains work differently and our strengths lie in different things. I think as women, we want men to understand us. And that isn't a bad thing. But it becomes problematic when we think that the only way to make them understand us to make them think like us. Instead of trying to communicate our expectations, we try to force men to become something they really aren't. We try to make them become more like us and when they do, we reject them. - We might have an inferiority complex.... Gender roles, no matter...

Hello everyone and welcome to February! It's hard to step out of your comfort zone, whether that's to try something new, believe something new or even do life without something or someone you are used to. We like comfort and so we work really hard on getting comfortable wherever we are: on our beds, in our friendships, in school and at work. And when something threatens that comfort, we resist. We become defensive. We shut down and shut these oppositions out. And sometimes, that can prevent us from the wrong influences. But what if other times, a lot of the time, we're wrong? What if we've become so comfortable in our failure and pain that we no longer know what life without them looks like and we're too scared to try? What if the things that seem so obvious and logical and that make so much sense to us, aren't actually correct? I am glad to have people in my life that oppose my ideas and don't agree with everything I say and do. I don't need followe...

Hello everyone, I can't believe it's that time of week again alreadys. Even though I was much busier this week than last week, I felt a lot more energetic. But that might just be me coming out of my post-exam exhaustion. I was listening to a podcast tonight that was talking about being strong and courageous the way we are called to in the Bible. And while I was listening to it (just to show how fear-conditioned I am), I started thinking about the football match I have tomorrow and how cold it might be and how I already feel sore and I haven't run at all. And how my performance affects the team. And how I need to be able to run fast and breathe right even though I find it really hard to in this weather. I also began to think about next week and the meetings and projects that are stressing me out right now. The point of all this is that, we are very scared people. I definitely am. We're constantly in the future thinking about all that can go wrong or in the past feari...

Hello everyone, A friend of mine recently told me that he would like me to do a recap of my recent blogposts because he'd fallen behind. If you fall into this category too, this is for you! Do you really want to be in control? September 4th 2021 - This week I was talking about how control makes us feel powerful, but we are often ill-equipped to handle and about how we tend to idolise our problems because it's easier to see them than to try fixing them. Finally, I spoke about how I feel that these days we call things 'our' truth to remove the access that other people have to that conversation. Even though we view things through the lenses of our experiences, the truth is the truth and it doesn't really take our feelings into account. You can do hard things (Part 2) September 11 2021 - In honor of world suicide prevention day and 9/11, I spoke about how we can reduce that feeling of loneliness that everyone feels by being there for each other and sharing our s...

Hello everyone, Today I had my monthly philosophical conversation on my way back from the town centre. Me and a friend were talking about friendships and I am honestly convinced at this point in my life that this topic is something that continues to grow and evolve as we grow. Anyway, what really stood out to me about our conversation was entitlement. The closer we get to someone, the more entitled we feel to know what’s going on in their lives. And I totally get it. Whether that’s because the whole friendship began because we were there for those people in tough moments or if we’ve just gone through a lot and shared a lot with our friends. Whatever the circumstances, at some point, we begin to get offended when we are not told certain things. And once again, I get it. If you’re really close to that person, why don’t they let you in? Why do they tell other people and not you when you’ve really been there for them? These are questions that you could ask your friends. But ultimately, i...